Here Are Some Cats Who Prove Why They Aren’t Considered Man’s Best Friend.

Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. *Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff. Saving the world with meals on wheels. Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?

Vincent and the Doctor

*Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do! You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas? You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME!

  • You’ve swallowed a planet!
  • The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don’t always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.
  • The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don’t always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.
  • No… It’s a thing; it’s like a plan, but with more greatness.

What This Man Did For The Woman He Loves Makes Everyone Else Look Bad.

What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?” First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor. Michael! Marry me. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

Afternoon delight

Steve Holt! Across from where? Really? Did nothing cancel? It’s a hug, Michael. I’m hugging you. I’m a monster. That’s why you always leave a note!

  • That’s what it said on ‘Ask Jeeves.’
  • I don’t understand the question, and I won’t respond to it.

Ready, Aim, Marry Me

Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn’t like his trailer. Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough. Marry me. Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.

Pier Pressure

I’ve opened a door here that I regret. We just call it a sausage. I care deeply for nature. Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun. What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?”

  1. Marry me.
  2. Really? Did nothing cancel?
  3. Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun.
  4. Across from where?
  5. We just call it a sausage.
Pier Pressure

Whoa, this guy’s straight? There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence. He’ll want to use your yacht, and I don’t want this thing smelling like fish. Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun.

Good Grief!

Guy’s a pro. I don’t understand the question, and I won’t respond to it. Get me a vodka rocks. And a piece of toast. I don’t understand the question, and I won’t respond to it. There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor. Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn’t like his trailer.

27 Truly Terrifying Tattoos That Will Haunt

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Ut Enim

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Ipsam Vuptatem

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Ut Enim

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Porro Quisquam

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Get Ready For Halloween With These Couple Costumes That Actually Rock.

I have traced the Rebel spies to her. Now she is my only link to finding their secret base. Don’t underestimate the Force. You don’t believe in the Force, do you?

The Force Unleashed

In my experience, there is no such thing as luck. What good is a reward if you ain’t around to use it? Besides, attacking that battle station ain’t my idea of courage. It’s more like…suicide. Partially, but it also obeys your commands. I call it luck. Don’t act so surprised, Your Highness. You weren’t on any mercy mission this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you. Partially, but it also obeys your commands.

  • I can’t get involved! I’ve got work to do! It’s not that I like the Empire, I hate it, but there’s nothing I can do about it right now. It’s such a long way from here.
  • Don’t act so surprised, Your Highness. You weren’t on any mercy mission this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you.
  • You don’t believe in the Force, do you?
  • Ye-ha!
  • You mean it controls your actions?

The Sith Lords

What?! Hey, Luke! May the Force be with you. What!?

A New Hope

I have traced the Rebel spies to her. Now she is my only link to finding their secret base. Red Five standing by. Alderaan? I’m not going to Alderaan. I’ve got to go home. It’s late, I’m in for it as it is. Ye-ha! I need your help, Luke. She needs your help. I’m getting too old for this sort of thing.

  1. Look, I ain’t in this for your revolution, and I’m not in it for you, Princess. I expect to be well paid. I’m in it for the money.
  2. Your eyes can deceive you. Don’t trust them.
  3. Don’t act so surprised, Your Highness. You weren’t on any mercy mission this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you.
The Empire Strikes Back

You mean it controls your actions? You don’t believe in the Force, do you? The Force is strong with this one. I have you now. The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers.

The Sith Lords

I need your help, Luke. She needs your help. I’m getting too old for this sort of thing. I suggest you try it again, Luke. This time, let go your conscious self and act on instinct. Leave that to me. Send a distress signal, and inform the Senate that all on board were killed. Don’t act so surprised, Your Highness. You weren’t on any mercy mission this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you. The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers.

What One Hiker Found In The Mountains of Tennessee Is Beyond Incredible.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night. That’s why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them.

Natural Born Kissers

A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner. Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?* Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico?

  • The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity…
  • Duffman can’t breathe! OH NO!

Life on the Fast Lane

Uh, no, they’re saying “Boo-urns, Boo-urns.” I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. Duffman can’t breathe! OH NO! Inflammable means flammable? What a country.

Selma’s Choice

“Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn. Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!

  1. I didn’t get rich by signing checks.
  2. Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I work, I work.
  3. Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.
Rosebud

Jesus must be spinning in his grave! Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!” Last night’s “Itchy and Scratchy Show” was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world. Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me! We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.

Cape Feare

Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use. Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone. Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!” Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it. Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie “The Never Ending Story.”